Disney paid $4 billion for the rights to Star Wars and now they’re hell bent on recouping that investing by slapping a Star Wars “The Force Awakens” logo on pretty much everything at Walmart.
Here are some of the best, and most absurd, Star Wars “The Force Awakens” product tie-ins.
Star Wars The Force Awakens Oranges
Okay, I get it. Oranges are round and orange. BB-8 is round, and sort of orange. Yeah, this Force Awakens product tie-in makes perfect sense.
Star Wars Yoda Grapes
Naturally, when you’ve got a character who has small green balls, you’ll want to market him with some small green balls that you pop right in your mouth. Thanks for the visual Disney.
Star Wars Death Star Waffle Maker
Here’s something you probably never thought you’d say, “what a delicious looking Death Star.” Seriously, this thing Death Star waffle looks on point. Nice touch with the Millennium Falcon plate and light saber silverware too.
Star Wars C-3PO and R2-D2 Coffee Creamer
Fancy a little robot in your coffee? Start your day off with some French Vanilla R2-D2 or some Hazelnut C3-PO. Props to the branding team that matched the characters colors to the flavors.
Star Wars Chewbacca Creamer
When you think of Chewbacca, the next thing that comes to mind is probably a cup of coffee with some spiced latte flavored creamer. That’s why this Spiced Latte Chewbacca Coffee Mate makes total sense.
Star Wars Drinking Water
If you can’t afford Star Wars figures for your kids, you can always just get them some of these Volvic Star Wars water bottles and tell them to use their imagination.
Star Wars The Force Awakens Yogurt
Not sure who the lawyers are for Dannon, by they might want to send a little letter over to these “Danone” people who are clearly infringing on their brand with this Force Awakens yogurt.
Star Wars String Cheese
The badass mascot for these Cheestrings is clearly a mastermind for the Dark Side. That’s why pairing up him and his floppy cheese-sabers with Darth Vader is a match made in marketing heaven.
Star Wars The Force Awakens Mascara
Here’s one for the ladies, some Covergirl Star Wars the Force Awakens mascara by lashbast™. It’s not only waterproof, but it’s got “400% corner to corner volume,” whatever that means.
Star Wars Lightsaber Nail File
Here’s another one for the ladies, or guys who are into such things. It’s a Star Wars Force Awakens emery board, because you’d never want to get in a Lightsaber duel with a hangnail.
Star Wars Darth Vader Humidifier
Maybe it’s me, but I’m not sure I trust a guy who sounds like he can barely breath to help soothe my cough and sinus congestion.
R2-D2 Campbell's Soup
They say soup is good food, which is total bullshit, because soup isn’ t even food. Anyway, this can is actually pretty cool.
Star Wars Force Awakens Chex Mix
This is about the lamest of all the tie-ins. “Here, we stuck a character in the corner, now let’s go the bar.”
Hope you enjoy this collection of Force Awakens products, and really hope you enjoy the movie!