Shark Week 2014 has begun in earnest on the Discovery Channel this week, kicking off with “Wrath of Submarine,” a purported documentary about a massive Great White in South Africa named Submarine.

This 30-foot shark is said to be the largest great white shark of all time. Locals believe that this shark is responsible for countless fatal attacks, but its existence has never been proven. This documentary explores the evidence and asks the question: can Submarine exist?

Is There Really a 30-Foot Great White Shark Off the Coast of South Africa?

Spoiler alert: NO. At least not according to anyone who actually studies sharks. In fact, the largest great white sharks ever measured have been no more than 20 feet, or about the same size as World Cup Winner Mario Göetze’s boner.

Now THIS is a Real Shark Submarine

Seabreacher X Submarine with Shark Paint Job

It may not be alive, but this two-person Seabreacher X submarine has a killer great white shark paint job. Not to mention a 260 horsepower supercharged 4 stroke engine that allows it to breach while blazing the surface at 50 miles per hour.

Personally, I’d rather see Discovery do a documentary on the rich fuckers who buy these things than some fake-ass shark!

But instead of that, once again Discovery Channel has served us all a great big platter of sensationalist shark-shit rather than all the REAL cool stuff there is to learn about sharks.

TL/DR: Fake shark named Submarine, uncool; personal submarine painted like a shark, very cool.

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